Dad Pettily Pulls Out Of Funding His Daughter's Wedding, Leaves Daughter Crying

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juliamal
Jul 28, 2022 4:00 PM EDT

It's a good day today, everybody! Wedding drama, money drama, and family drama are my three favorite dramas! Plus, it's a mixed response post- some people think OP is an a$$hole, others completely disagree. If that isn't a sign that today will be good then I don't know what is. In this post, OP talks about how his daughter with his first wife is getting married, and he offered to fund the wedding. How sweet! But, things go downhill when he discovers that his daughter is putting her step-father over him and she isn't including OP, his very young wife, and their son together. Is it fair for OP to pull out of funding the wedding if he and the rest of his family aren't included? Should an offer to fund a wedding not come with strings attached? This is a complicated one! Read below for some more context and let us know what you think. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmItheAsshole. Posted by u/olderdad10 6 hours ago AITA for backing out of paying for my daughters wedding because of her demands? 3 Well never thought I'd be posting here. So I (45M) have a 22 year old daughter Diana with my ex-wife Michaela. Me and Michaela divorced when Diana was 10 due to unhappiness in the relationship. I felt neglected and she felt used. Dead bedroom and some financial issues added to the stress and eventually we divorced. We have stayed on relatively good terms be
    via u/olderdad10

    Sounds like a complicated family dynamic…

  • 02
    Font - As we are going over details for the wedding. I noticed my wife's name wasn't on the table next to me. I asked Diana where her step- moms spot was. She said "oh I didn't know she would be coming". I asked why she thought her step mom wouldn't be coming. She said "assumed she would be at home watching the kid". I said "isn't your step bro invited?". She kinda shrugged and said "if y'all want him to come". She didn't even think about my side of the family.
    via u/olderdad10

    I think there's an underlying issue here

  • 03
    Font - Well then I find out she wants me to walk down the aisle alongside her new step dad. My ex remarried four years ago to a guy with a 10 year old son. So she wanted us both to walk her down the aisle. Which I found ridiculous because this guy showed up in her life at 18 and has hardly raised her like I have. Then I find out she has her step-brother involved in the wedding and not our son. She couldn't even answer why she did this. She also said she wanted her step dad to do half the father-
    via u/olderdad10
  • 04
    Font - Korike0017. 6 hr. ago ESH Okay back the train up, there's a 14 year difference between you and your wife correct? (If my math is right). You also state that she met your wife when she was only 12, so your wife/girlfriend was like 21 then? I'm not gonna take a stab at your relationship gap since it might not be that weird, but I doubt your daughter has EVER seen your current wife as a step-mom in the proper sense of the word- how can she? You literally brought in a girlfriend only 9 years
    via u/Korike0017
  • 05
    Font - aliceinjam. 6 hr. ago Asshole Aficionado [18] INFO: Are you really that clueless that you can't even imagine why your daughter doesn't like your wife? I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but there's a 9 year age difference between the two of them. Do you honestly expect your daughter to see her as some sort of mother figure? 2.0k Reply Share Report Save Follow
    via u/aliceinjam
  • 06
    Font - stilljenni. 6 hr. ago 3 Asshole Aficionado [14] ΝΤΑ. And it's not your money, it's your money WITH YOUR WIFE. So if wife isn't invited, wife shouldn't have to pony up either. I agree with other posters, you need to talk with the daughter about this, but you're under no obligation to fund her big day if she's excluding family. Reply Share Report Save Follow 1.1k 1.1k
    via u/stilljenni
  • 07
    Human body - alwaysneverenough - 5 hr. ago "Overall the girls got along"??? Gross. ↑ 903 Reply Share Report Save Follow
    via u/alwaysneverenough
  • 08
    Font - yanivelkneivel. 6 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] I feel like a really important step was skipped before you did a complete 180: having an adult heart-to-heart about why you feel snubbed and asking her why. I'm going to say ESH: her for the ungrateful slap in the face to you and your wife. And you, not because you feel snubbed, but because you gave a gift with surprise preconditions and are now throwing a tantrum instead of handling this like an adult. Reply Share Report Save Follow 732
    via u/yanivelkneivel
  • 09
    Font - QuebecSausage 6 hr. ago edited 5 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [7] ESH. You're not trying to resolve any of the issues here. You're trying to punish her with money. Your daughter isn't exactly blameless as she's known your wife since she was 12 and she literally cut her little brother out of even attending the wedding. That being said, you're just going to permanently sabotage any relationship you have with her. Yeah you're mad, but think big picture. What do you actually hope to get out of
    via u/QuebecSausage
  • 10
    Font - Wayward Princess1025 - 6 hr. ago - edited 5 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [29] I'm going to against the grain, YTA. Your daughter loves her Stepfather. That must sting but it's her wedding, she loves him and wants to include him. She considers him a father figure and you're punishing her for that. As for your wife and son, when you spoke up, she invited them. I can't get over your sentence "the girls got along." That's doesn't make it seem like a mother- daughter relationship. When you m
    via u/WaywardPrincess1025
  • 11
    Font - LoveBeach8 - 6 hr. ago. edited 5 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [263] ΝΤΑ A person can usually sense when they're being used and your instincts sound right on target. You're good enough to open your wallet but not good enough to be shown some respect? That wouldn't fly with me, either. So sorry. EDIT: Your daughter needs to accept that you come as a package deal. It's not fair to demand that you come alone while her mom can bring her new husband and their son. She may not like your wife, she
    via u/LoveBeach8
  • 12
    Font - jrm1102.6 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] ESH. this is tough and I almost feel like we're missing something? Are you sure there's not some reason your daughter doesn't get along with your wife? It's your daughter's wedding and she can structure it any way she wants - walking down the aisle, first dance, etc. But if their truly is no real reason why she's slighted your wife and son, I think it's perfectly reasonable to not have to pay. What sort of makes you TA is your reaction and insult
    via u/jrm1102
  • 13
    Font - CrystalQueen3000. 6 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [216] ESH Your daughter clearly doesn't like your wife, and that's okay, she doesn't have to. Parents need to stop forcing those relationships. She's being an AH but so are you. You're punishing her for not liking your wife or kid. 121 Reply Share Report Save Follow
    via u/CrystalQueen3000
  • 14
    Font - Fire_or_water_kai - 5 hr. ago OP you need to get answers for a lot of questions here. When you remarried, was your daughter part of the wedding? Did you ever really address why your daughter stopped coming around after your son was born? It's weird that she had no issues with including her step brother. You're right in feeling pissed because you're being treated like a wallet with no role and zero accommodations are being made, like giving you a plus one and including her half brother as
    via u/Fire_or_water_kai
  • 15
    Font - hashslingingslashern. 6 hr. ago Ehhhh ESH. It is honestly kind of hard to tell when it seems we are getting a very one sided story. It sounds like something must have happened at a certain point in time that drew your daughter and current wife apart. Instead of trying to figure out what happened, you made things worse by pulling funds from her wedding. Divorce and separations are really hard on kids. You and your current wife very well could have gotten distracted and busy with new baby a
    via u/hashslingingslashern
  • 16
    Rectangle - Chargednotconvicted - 6 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [7] Nope, NTA. Why would she have her stepdad walk her down when she has a father? I think her mother has been putting shit in her head. Let stepdad pay. 65 Reply Share Report Save Follow
    via u/Chargednotconvicted
  • 17
    Sky - Mishy162.5 hr. ago Partassipant [4] NTA. Sounds like you were only being invited so you would pay. ↑ 63 Reply Share Report Save Follow
    via u/Mishy162
  • 18
    Rectangle - ProfPlumDid It - 6 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] NTA. There is obviously something going on that is causing her to deliberately exclude your wife and son, but she doesn't get to demand a heap of cash from you, exclude your wife even as a guest, AND refuse to talk to you about why. ↑65 Reply Share Report Save Follow
    via u/ProfPlumDid

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